What? Why? When? Who? How?

The idea and theory behind the four Ws, and a H, originally came from project management and a range of other professions, but it is also a resourceful tool to use when we are working toward a better understanding of ourselves. It can help us to break down bigger problems into more manageable parts that can be dealt with one at a time.

The four Ws and one H are fundamentally a set of questions which we can ask ourselves to help us look more calmly and logically at an issue we are facing or when trying to unpack some thoughts or feelings that feel overwhelming or are causing us distress.

When thinking about how we perceive issues, problems or our more complex mental health concerns it can be helpful to think about the what, why, when, who and how of it.

When we are feeling overwhelmed we can tend to rush into decision making without taking the time to consider our own needs or the needs of others, in general that isn't usually helpful. Especially when we agree to things that we don't really want or put unnecessary strain on us.

When we do this we are not noticing or taking the time to consider our own needs or the needs of others, that can make us feel out of sync and detached when we make quick, or pressured decisions.

This can mean we commit ourselves to tasks and situations that are not in our own best interest, this may appease the need to please people but it is not self serving and can lead to faster feelings of burnout or emotional exhaustion.

When we take the time to break down thoughts, feelings or requests other make of us logically we are better equipped to move forward in our own best interests, even if that means we must decline someone else's request.

This isn't to say that we should ignore the feelings and needs of others before our own, but it does mean that we can be clear about our own wants, needs, wishes, our own time and our own capacity to help and support others. When we are able to do this we are better able to recognise when we do not have the mental, physical or emotional capacity to support others and can communicate this effectively. This is not selfish, this is self care, we cannot effectively help people when we do not have the capacity to do so.

Again, this isn't to say that you don't want to help or don't feel concern or empathy for others but that you are being realistic about what you can handle at the moment. We can't care for others when we are not able to care for ourselves first.

Much like when we are told to fit our own masks on a plane before assisting others, we all need to be capable of helping ourselves before we can meaningfully help others.

How then can the Five W's and one H help us with this?

Let's talk the four Ws, and a H:

When we are using this method to break down bigger issues and problems we are accessing our logical and conscious brain. We are looking objectively and factually about the issues we are unpacking.

When we ask ourselves each question we want to be able to answer honestly to ourselves. Each question gives us a basis to start a discussion with ourselves, and should give us an opportunity to expand our understanding.

In seeking to broaden our understanding of ourselves and our behaviours we must demonstrate to ourselves that we can offer kindness, curiosity and non judgemental support to ourselves in order to accept what we can, change what we need to and develop our self awareness.

This way of working with ourselves to better ourselves will require patience, persistence and determination as we are learning something new.

Let's look at this in a bit more detail:

1. What - This is our starting point List what you are noticing: What is happening right now

• What do you feel? - Anxiety, fast breathing, mind racing

• What is actually happening

• What are you thinking

2. Why - Though it seems so obvious, do we ask ourselves why this is happening, do we notice?

• Why is this happening now?

• Why do I think this?

• Why am I feeling this?

You may not be able to answer why right now, but by asking yourself you may notice something you have overlooked before

3. When – Is a really important question

• When do i notice this

• When does this impact me

• When do I acknowledge the feeling

• When do I ask for help

• When I am in a certain place I notice

4. Who – Ultimately who will benefit?

The answer hopefully is you, while it can be hard to acknowledge let alone challenge our thoughts and feelings, more so when they are difficult or painful, it can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves and lead to forgiveness, acceptance and self-love.

• Who will I help - ME!

• Who can help me? Family, Friends, Doctor, Mental Health team, Therapist

5. How - Lastly how, There is no time limit on how!

How will you incorporate what you have learned, how will you change the situation, how can you turn this into a positive. How might take a few minutes of planning, it may take a few weeks to practice, it might take a few months to see and feel change, it might take a few years to heal. There is no expectation on how, you might find that as you develop your practice, you may find better ways of working.

It's How we start.

This is really where braking down our bigger issues and problems into the four W questions can become effective in helping us see the bigger picture. When we are able to slow down and take time to identify and understand the issue more logically then we are better prepared to help ourselves overcome it. With patience and practice, the tools and techniques we are learning can be a helpful way of slowing down and looking more objectively at ourselves to help ourselves in the long term.

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